Goodbye!

I have decided that it is time for me to retire this blog. I will be moving to my own domain name! Yeah! Professional, huh? If you want to continue reading posts by me **is that crickets?** then you can continue reading my blog over at www.mqhwriter.com There is nothing there now because I have to set things up but the idea is that it will be my main blog and that it will host examples of my writing.

Is a writer responsible for their characters actions?

I read J.M Coeztee's book "Disgrace" this semester for university. It's about racism in South Africa. Its main character is David Lurie, an old entitled white man who was once distinguished and powerful, but is now just a second rate lecturer at a university that is a shadow of its former glorious self. Lurie is old fashioned and very unlikable. He is a racist but doesn't come out and admit it. He is a product of the era that he was raised in. I've met a lot of people like Lurie. Older people mostly who make comments about immigrants and how things were so much better when they were younger and how much they dislike the way things are now. I've been doing some reading about Disgrace because I have to write an essay about it. Apparently the book caused a bit of a stir in South Africa with a lot of people calling it racist and the author racist and wanting it banned. A lot of people thought that Lurie - a white man - had to be based off the author J.M Coeztee and his own political thoughts and opinions.

Writers are often judged for the actions and opinions and beliefs of their characters because people think that we - writers - are using our characters as a way to express ourselves. And that might be true for some writers. A lot of writers use their stories as a bit of a soap box for them to preach about something that they are passionate about. But for many others what their characters might be the polar opposite of them. I've always felt that writers should have the freedom to write about whomever and whatever they want to write about. We should not be censored and we should not be held accountable for the actions of our characters. When I write a story I cease to be myself and I become my character. I am whoever they need to be. I breathe life into them and I make them come alive. The character lives and breathes through me. But we are still separate beings. If my character does or says something rude or inappropriate I am only doing that for the sake of the story their actions should not be a reflection on me and my own opinions not unless I specifically say that it is supposed to be.

It's unfair to call Coeztee a racist just because his character David Lurie has a hard time adapting to the political changes that sweep through South Africa. It's like calling the author of American Psycho a psychopath just because his main character is one. Coeztee wrote a story that was unpleasant to read about but was something that needed to be shared. You shouldn't try to ban things just because they pull back the curtain on a truth you do not want to face. Disgrace is fiction. We need to remember that there is a line between fiction and reality. Instead of pointing fingers at Coeztee and calling him a racist what people should be doing is discussing Disgrace and the important questions it raises about race relations and politics in South Africa.

I am about to graduate from university

Well, here I am. Six years later. I am finally on the verge of finishing university. I've been looking forward for this day for so long and now that it is so close I feel weird about it. I am going to be glad to give it all up and move on but I will miss it. Its been apart of my life for so long and its given me something to focus on and a goal. I've enjoyed it and I've hated parts of it. Some highlights! Introduction to Journalism was the best class I took and really helped me figure out what career directions I could go in as a writer. I realized that I could do journalism if I wanted and it inspired me to begin writing articles online. Graphic novels was fun. I got to read some classic books and learnt about the history of the genre. I am really glad I switched my minor from editing to history and writing. I was CRAP at editing. My dyslexia just put up her hands and said "No, fuck this!" and left the room and did not come back. I did not blame her. University level grammar is pretty god damn horrifying.

I enjoyed learning how to make websites even though it was horribly stressful at first. I eventually got the hang of it and managed to build some websites from scratch. Fun stuff! I learnt about the black plague and witches in some more history classes and who can forget my very first assignment which I did about Klingon language? The best thing about doing university is that I've proven to myself that I am capable of doing a lot of things in this life. I am smart. I might not be as smart as my brother but I have gotten some pretty decent grades. I averaged between a CR and a D in most classes which I think was pretty good. I got a couple of HD's and I will never forget one teacher who told me he thought I was very talented and could have a career in journalism if I wanted. I liked his comments so much I kept the paper he wrote that on and still have it in my bookshelf. I have achieved a lot in this life but graduating from university might be at the top of that list. I have four learning disabilities and someone said to me once "You have to accept that there are some things you cannot do" I will never forget those words because I use them as inspiration to prove her wrong! I am not an idiot. I am not hopeless. I am not broken. I can do whatever I want to do. It helps if I have encouragement. And I have been surrounded by the most loving family my whole life who has done nothing but encourage me. Its funny what I can achieve if people pat me on the back and tell me to have a go. If you drag me down I will believe I am worthless and I will achieve nothing but if you pick me up and give me a little push you will be surprised what I can fucking achieve.

Sometimes I have no respect for the media

I want to get a job as a writer when I finish university. I've been looking into my options and there is a lot of stuff I can do from positions in government departments to universities to journalist positions. I have no idea if I'm going to be successful in getting one of these jobs. There are very, very few where I live. Most of them are in the Eastern states. But I'm looking. I have been dabbling with article writing these past few months and have even tried calling myself a freelance journalist. But the title doesn't feel right. I think I'm just a writer. I might sometimes write fiction, or an article, or a blog post...but I'm just a writer. I would love a job writing for a blog someday but I want to be able to keep my opinions and my voice. I dislike how some news organisations are really, really fucked up. Like total propaganda for the government and I find it extremely disturbing. I'm talking about the right-wing media of course. There was an article recently about two girls who were a "new breed of bludger" who didn't want to work. It was so ridiculous. Bloody Scott Morrison even said he would "personally look into their case" which really conjures up the image of him re-arranging his belt, doesn't it? "I'll handle this, fellas." Christ.

Well! It turns out the article was (surprise, surprise) total fucking shit. Lies. Total lies. And all I can think is "How could they do this to that girl? How could they call themselves journalists?" This isn't the first time the media has lied to gather hysteria and outrage. But it really disgusts me because they went after a pair of god damn highschool girls who haven't even been on Centrelink and have now ruined their lives. Who is going to want to hire them now? God knows. Those poor children. They took advantage of them. And for what? To push the government's agenda that the poor people are to blame for all of our problems. What's stupid about what they did was it was just so...well dumb. You're supposed to have ethics in journalism and they took a big, giant steaming shit on them. What's even more dumb is they committed slander and deliberately ruined this girl's life and reputation and have given her a successful suit for slander on a silver platter if she wants to go ahead with it. And I hope she does.

My thoughts on No Man's Sky

I got a PS4 last night and I love it. It's great. It's so much better than my Xbox One and has amazing games. If I had to rank the 3 current machines I would rank them PS4, Wii U and then the X Box. I've had a lot of fun with my X Box but the PS4 is just so simple and fun to use and they have some great games. I've been playing No Man's Sky this past week whenever I can find five minutes to myself. A lot of people are complaining about this game online and saying that it was a big disappointment. I've had some mixed thoughts about it but have decided that I like it. But it is not for everyone. It all depends on what you like in your games.

A lot of people say it hasn't got content. I disagree. It does. You just have to find it. What I find unique about this game is that it hasn't got a plot or a character. You could be a man, a woman, black, white, whatever you want. You're just a person with a back pack and a ship. And I think that's great. At first I wasn't that sure about the lack of plot but I've realized since then it IS there is will just reveal itself to me slowly as I unlock more of the game. And that intrigues me. I've just unlocked a space cannon and I'm about to get my hyper drive and I'm psyched.

I've been playing Xenoblade Chronicles X on the Wii U for months now and it's the polar opposite of No Man's Sky. It is about 100% more detailed. The world of Mira is astonishing. It's the biggest world I've ever played in. It's beautiful and creative and insane. I have spent hours exploring it and then there are all the different animals and monsters and things to collect and stuff to do. I've put in over 120 hours in this game and I still have not finished. XCX is frustrating and addictive as hell but it's also too difficult. Part of the thing that has kept me going back to it has been the determination to figure out WHAT THE HELL I AM SUPPOSED TO BE DOING. The more I figured out how the game worked the more I wanted to play more because it got a little bit easier...until I upped a level and it got hard again. But sometimes that difficulty frustrated me. I want to play and achieve goals every single time. It's incredibly maddening to instead lose my skell and then have to spend the new few tries scraping together more money to get another one.

What I like about No Man's Sky is that it is a lot simpler and easier to achieve little goals. I don't find myself grunting in frustration and wanting to storm out of the room like I do with XCX. Part of the fun for No Man's Sky for me is the quiet exploring of the worlds and finding new things to collect. It's a bit like Animal Crossing in space. There's no skill involved. It's a good way to unwind. Kind of like having a bath. The game might not be as colourful or inventive as XCX but it does what it does well. It can be fun to play difficult and frustrating games because when you pass that level you were stuck on for so long you want to jump up and punch the air in celebration. But it can also be fun to play a game that is so simple you can just sit down and heave a happy, relaxed sigh and have some fun.

Writing is a lot like dating

I know how the world of publishing works. People are very busy. Editors don't have the time to respond to every single letter and email. I get it. But at the same time...man does it suck sometimes. I feel like I'm in the dating world again. I find myself obsessively checking my email account multiple times a day hoping for an email. And when it doesn't come I feel so dejected. I wonder how long do I have to wait until silence means no. It's so frustrating. You get so tempted to write an email to them and ask "Hey? remember me? did you like that story?" but I refuse to do that because I think it is unprofessional. Sometimes silence means rejection. As a writer you just have to deal with it. You have to be professional. Yes, you wasted all that time writing and researching that article, that's true. But at least it was fun writing it, right? At least you almost got that bite of that apple, right? It doesn't stop it from being frustrating. But I think that writers should act in a certain way. Don't be the writer who writes a snarky reply to a critique. Don't be the writer who argues with an editor. And DON'T be the writer who won't accept when they've been rejected. I wish they could find five minutes to write me a quick letter saying "Not for us, thanks" because at least then I know and can stop wondering and move the hell on. But alas the publishing world doesn't always work that way.

My articles are little depressing

I've been writing some articles about my childhood and I've noticed that they tend to be a little depressing. I don't mean to write such depressing stuff! I'm just writing about my life and experiences and to be honest the years I spent in school were just not good. But that's normal. Being a kid is hard. Kids are assholes and school is hard. It was just double hard for me because I have learning disabilities I had no idea about on top of being bullied. But I think kids today have it a lot more worse than I had it. When I was a kid I always loved coming home because I felt free at home. I could be myself. The bullies could not reach me. I could unwind and relax and try and cheer myself up.

I am so, so glad I did not grow up in the era of social media. I'm not that much of a dinosaur - we did have computers growing up and mobile phones - but this was the late 90s early 00's so it was a lot different to what we have now. If social media had been around I shudder to think what it might have been like for me. I probably would have been trolled online, on facebook and youtube, whatever you name it. And that peace I got when I came home would have evaporated. I would have been miserable all the god damn time.

They say you should "write what you know" and I'm doing that with my articles I am writing about my experiences growing up. I think I have a unique story to tell. I hate that my schooling years were so miserable and I didn't enjoy them much but things DID improve. When I was in high school I met my best friend for life and a few years out of high school I met my husband. I think my experiences in school - both good and bad - helped to shape me into the person I became. I think bullying is total fucking shit but it's not something you can get rid of in schools. People will always be jerks to the weak and the vulnerable. The best thing you can do to help kids is to teach them the best way to cope with bullying and to not let it affect them and to learn the right way to respond.

I think being bullied and socially isolated helped to turn me into a writer. I was lonely and sad so I escaped into writing and reading. I'm grateful for that. When I discovered writing it gave me a much needed confidence boost and gave me something to focus on. I wish the bullying hadn't have happened and that I'd been happier as a kid but I am very happy now. I might have hated school but that doesn't mean my entire childhood was terrible. I had a wonderful loving family and was perfectly happy and content at home. It was only at school I was miserable.